Are you there Universe? It's me, Mama.

Alternate titles for this post that made me chuckle...Are you there Universe? It's me God. AND All I ever needed to know about life I learned from Judy Blume.
Wouldn't that be simple?
Today ended as one of THOSE days. It was actually quite a lovely day until the end when my patience malfunctioned. I am not talking about the patience you have with children. I am talking on a grand scale - patience with the way life moves. I know in a very deep way that we are the masters of our destiny. That by holding on to our higher truths with compassion the beauty in our life is limitless. And lastly that what we put out is what comes back to us. So I do my best to always resonate out positive action.
I understand I need to be patient and it is all about divine timing in all. But really. Can we hurry the hell up?
Aah. I feel much better.
One other thing to get off my chest...
It really, really irks me when my son's name is pronounced incorrectly. I am not talking about a mispronunciation at the pharmacy. I am talking about people knowingly disregarding requests and just calling him a name that is not his.
Ahh. Even better :).
To whoever took/ found/ kept my cell phone, hope you are enjoying the 850 pictures of my kids. To AT&T - I have given you too much. Start living up to your end of the bargain.
Wow. I am totally refreshed!
Some food for thought. Tiny Houses.


It does feel so much better to speak your truth.

Home Sweet Cul-de-Sac

Let me share with you the joy of living on a cul-de-sac. This is the first one I have lived on, and I must admit - with my head hung low, that I secretly judged people who touted their amazing benefits. I certainly thought it was not in my future. But low and behold here I am - and it is GREAT! So sorry y'all (oh god - we will need to address this one later.)  Just goes to show - never say never. I am never going to win Powerball. Um, yeah, we might have to address that one too.

Anyway...

Having a relatively enclosed circle of cement to call your own, is really a heaven like no other. First of all; if your children are as gregarious as mine, and would talk to a wall, it is only a matter of minutes before others hear the call and want to join. This has resulted in a gaggle of "friends and relations."

Our driveway has become a hotbed of afternoon activity. I am proud to say that we are now the parents of a training wheel free bike rider. AND, there was no holding on to the back of bike trying to keep it balanced (while nursing a HUGE toddler.) I got to enjoy this fantastic feat while sitting in my driveway drinking a cocktail. Actually there wasn't a cocktail, but that is what living on a cul-de-sac feels like!
You see when 8 children are riding bikes, scooters, big wheels, skates, etc. they are completely entertaining themselves...and my toddler. For hours. And hours. Outdoors.
Do not get me wrong I have gained absolutely no computer, phone, work, or extreme leisure time. I can assure you that if I was to break out an electronic device this moment of heaven would disappear instantly. But for extended moments of the day I am not a soda fountain with free refills.
Here is something I was shocked to find out...some people have a severe aversion to finding children's chalk drawings in their driveway. Who knew? You would think they just wrote over their forehead with a sharpie. And no, I am not sending my kid to other people's driveways to draw.  In fact, in one instance it was a parent who did the drawing. One word folks - rain. And a whole sentence - try parking yourself in the driveway with a box a sidewalk chalk. You will find it extremely refreshing.
One last thing ... GO! CUL-DE-SAC! GO!

Moving Forward with Purpose

It has been a year since the huge shift in my life began. The venue I worked for closed. I started various projects that got delayed. And I started working for my older son's school.
Since the birth of number 2 things had felt different. In the last month of pregnancy I bought a necklace from an amazing jeweler Olivia Olkowski. Her line is oh!olivia. I have owned several pieces. They always called to me from the case at the Meta Center where I had acupuncture with the amazing Pipper Armel. Each piece I found at the right time, and when I picked them up I was always surprised to find out that the stone corresponded exactly to the experiences I was having at that time.
This amazing piece has an oblong Chalcedony Drusy  stone and a chain of small rubies. It is stunning. There were several important things she told me about the stone, when I put it on - but the phrase that stuck was "life's purpose."
In my heart I knew with this new baby, I would need to make a big shift in my life, a big shift in my consciousness. I wore that necklace as my contractions began and didn't take it off for months. And sure enough during that time my path started to lead me on a new journey. I was yearning to be with my family, but I was loyal to work and kept pushing. My body did not agree and forced me to slow down. Then the venue closed. Then my new projects inched along. I replaced a woman who was going on maternity leave, she spoke constantly of the time she would spend with her new baby and inside I cried for the time I was not spending with my boys. it seemed everywhere I turned that sentiment played over and over, each time striking me a bit harder and a little lower. I needed to be with my children.
At first I had the excuse of my job and income to keep me away, but things had slowed down. I was faced with either diving back in or making a change. My mother visited, she gave her usual "move closer to us. My initial reaction was "no way!" Leave my friends? My life? My network? My opportunities? But I wanted to see my Mom more. She had health challenges in the past and it always really hurt that they were not so willing to come visit us in NY. It also made me so sad to see how much she yearned to have us closer.
My husband is brilliant. His words were "money comes and goes, but you never get the time back."
So that was it. We jumped off the cliff. There were tears in my eyes when I told my Mom our decision the next morning. I think those tears have been forever misinterpreted. We didn't make a decision because we had no other options. There were plenty. We made the conscious decision to work towards strengthening our family. Those tears were for what we would leave behind, most everything - our friends, our life. The excuse we gave everyone was financial, and things were hard but the real truth was that we needed to look at our family and strengthen our foundation.
Now we are here. We have learned so much. Maybe we will stay. Maybe we will return to NY. But regardless of what may come, I know with every inch of my being that I /we are truly moving forward with purpose.

Can I really have waited this long to post?!

I was afraid when I started this blog that I would fall of the writing wagon. And alas, I did. But I am picking myself right back up and trying again! A lot has happened since my last post. Quite a roller coaster in fact. Quite a bit of big life questions. What is it that we want? Where are we going? Where do we want to be? We have made new friends and really missed our old friends. We have learned an awful lot about what it means to be a family. We have learned a lot about boundaries. We have worked on creating a family culture and family rhythm. I have learned that even though I thought I was just being diplomatic, I had been basing my decisions for the last 38 years on pleasing someone else. And most importantly I am now learning how to identify who I am what I want and what we want as a family - working together. I feel more love for others than I have in a long time but I feel much more love and respect for myself! Where is this journey taking us next? City? Country? Right next door?
The bottom line to all of this is I was looking for a strong foundation for our family. It would be very nice to find our home and settle, relax have some peace. But I have learned that HOME really is where your family is. And no matter where you are, if you have a strong family foundation you will carry it, regardless of location.