Monday, October 8, 2012

Going with the flow!

Sometimes life gives you pause and you are forced to wait. Excruciatingly, forever seeming waiting for change. You want to race out and chase down the answer and beat it down until it comes into fruition. Meanwhile you are so wrapped up, your children suffer, your spouse suffers, but none more than you as you wring your hands desperately for things to just show up  - show up already!
Meanwhile the universe is staring down at you in disbelief - screaming what are you talking about? You said you wanted more time at home, time to spend with your children, time to focus on alternative projects, etc, etc, etc.
Huh, you think? Yeah I said that, but I also said I wanted a million dollars, a new car and sunny weather so that my freedom would taste super sweet. And also I need all these things right now by the way.
Hmm. And within you at that moment two roads diverge. One is to stay in this place wringing your hands, pushing and pushing becoming more frustrated with each breath and pulling farther and farther away from the balance point you are so desperately working towards or to take a long, deep step backwards, along with a deep breath inwards and sigh. Release all that fear and just pause. It is not perfect, you falter, but you bring yourself back. And soon you find yourself playing with your children, knitting - whoa!, reading, and letting go. It is painful at times but nowhere near what it was when you lived in the anxiety. Everyday it becomes more peaceful, you listen to the guide within, you are not as confused, and the choices become easier, joyful even.
You step outside and see the beauty around you and realize THIS IS WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE. I am learning in this quiet moment. And for a moment once again you feel a tiny poke of fear, but this time the fear does not spiral down into a a never ending cycle downwards. Instead it rests, is honored and comforted. And all of a sudden you realize that PAUSE IS A GIFT.

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