Summer Starts to Bloom

Our lives have been very full as of late. Not leaving much time for writing. In two months we will hit our 1 year anniversary of the big move. So many changes. But then life is always changing, always evolving. I am thankful for having the opportunity to be with my boys. To be the primary caregiver. I longed for it with all my being and I can honestly say, that a year ago it did not seem like I would ever be here. I would cry when others talked about being home with their children, as I clocked in a 15 hour day. Now I am there when they wake, when they sleep. When they fall, when they succeed.
I have become a much better role model, by finding my boundaries and owning myself. Every day is a work in progress, but it is getting there.

Things that really solidified this week -
Daily Rhythm helps make my children more flexible.
I can forgive myself and my children if we fall off the rhythm band wagon.
Dinner on the table by 5:30pm works best.
If I do not explain proper behavior to my children, how can I expect them to behave properly.
The only way to really get your kids to listen, is to get down and look them in the eye.
20 minutes of joining in the fun can satisfy them for most of the day.
It doesn't matter what others think, what is most important is what we value as a familyand creating our own family container.
I can let go.
The best way for positive things to come into being quickly, is to let go.
What makes us complete is accepting all of our nature. As a mother we must also enjoy and be open to our sexuality. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Open and Receive.

May I continue to wake up every morning, striving to be better. Open and expanding like a flower.

The best you can do.

We all strive for perfection. Okay well at least most of the people I know. And the majority of us beat ourselves up for not achieving this so called perfection. I know. I have lived my life trying to be some kind of perfect I can't even describe. It is wonderful to want to be our best selves. But life is certainly a workout. Every day we wake up and have a chance to start again. Isn't that beautiful? No matter how hard your day may be, you have the chance to go to sleep and wake up and try again.
My life may be intense, but I don't wake up feeling like something is missing. Bedtime tends to be difficult. I want the boys in bed by 8pm, because at 8:30pm I turn into a pumpkin. Really. Or maybe just a really cranky Mommy. And each day I try again. It kills me that bedtime is not peaceful. But I am working on it. Last year my son's teacher gave me some wonderful advice, "you can only do the best you can do." Stop judging. Just do. All I can do is set the intention and do my best. Maybe the outcome does not fit into my picture or someone else's. There is always an opportunity to learn and we have the freedom to choose to work towards being better.  And even more importantly to let go of our illusion of perfection and just do the best you can.
I am learning how important it is to take risks, especially as a parent. I need to risk my children being angry with me. I need to speak my truth and set boundaries, so they will do the same.
In terms of taking risks, children really need room to explore. Waldorf Education teaches young children to use needles to sew and knives to carve. They light matches. Inuits give small children knives. As fearful as I may be I have tried to explore expanding our safety boundaries in order to teach my children responsibility.
I thought this talk by Gever Tulley from TED was really interesting...Playing with controlled fire, helping you do the best you can do!

Calm amid the Chaos

This past week was especially challenging. Maybe it was Mercury Retrograde coming to an end. Maybe it is just the universe, but on any levels it was complex and at times frightening. Personally we had communication failure, and some health scares. Meanwhile tornadoes ripped across the earth. At the same time we (my family) had synchronises that were mind blowing. Which means that at the same time that things were whipping out of control they were safely circling in. With children, the best gift you can give them is a sense of safety. The same goes for ourselves. As much as we may not ant to admit it, there will be a time for pain, challenge, frustration, but if we can greet these difficulties with anticipation of learning they may be a bit easier for us to handle. For in the end our strength of character is in how we handle the most painful of circumstances.

Other things I am thinking about today...
My favorite astrology website - http://planetwaves.net/
My favorite bug repellent of the moment - Geranium Oil. Thanks to a friend's suggestion, I mix this oil with an unscented lotion and apply liberally. It works and smells good!

Are you there Universe? It's me, Mama.

Alternate titles for this post that made me chuckle...Are you there Universe? It's me God. AND All I ever needed to know about life I learned from Judy Blume.
Wouldn't that be simple?
Today ended as one of THOSE days. It was actually quite a lovely day until the end when my patience malfunctioned. I am not talking about the patience you have with children. I am talking on a grand scale - patience with the way life moves. I know in a very deep way that we are the masters of our destiny. That by holding on to our higher truths with compassion the beauty in our life is limitless. And lastly that what we put out is what comes back to us. So I do my best to always resonate out positive action.
I understand I need to be patient and it is all about divine timing in all. But really. Can we hurry the hell up?
Aah. I feel much better.
One other thing to get off my chest...
It really, really irks me when my son's name is pronounced incorrectly. I am not talking about a mispronunciation at the pharmacy. I am talking about people knowingly disregarding requests and just calling him a name that is not his.
Ahh. Even better :).
To whoever took/ found/ kept my cell phone, hope you are enjoying the 850 pictures of my kids. To AT&T - I have given you too much. Start living up to your end of the bargain.
Wow. I am totally refreshed!
Some food for thought. Tiny Houses.


It does feel so much better to speak your truth.

Home Sweet Cul-de-Sac

Let me share with you the joy of living on a cul-de-sac. This is the first one I have lived on, and I must admit - with my head hung low, that I secretly judged people who touted their amazing benefits. I certainly thought it was not in my future. But low and behold here I am - and it is GREAT! So sorry y'all (oh god - we will need to address this one later.)  Just goes to show - never say never. I am never going to win Powerball. Um, yeah, we might have to address that one too.

Anyway...

Having a relatively enclosed circle of cement to call your own, is really a heaven like no other. First of all; if your children are as gregarious as mine, and would talk to a wall, it is only a matter of minutes before others hear the call and want to join. This has resulted in a gaggle of "friends and relations."

Our driveway has become a hotbed of afternoon activity. I am proud to say that we are now the parents of a training wheel free bike rider. AND, there was no holding on to the back of bike trying to keep it balanced (while nursing a HUGE toddler.) I got to enjoy this fantastic feat while sitting in my driveway drinking a cocktail. Actually there wasn't a cocktail, but that is what living on a cul-de-sac feels like!
You see when 8 children are riding bikes, scooters, big wheels, skates, etc. they are completely entertaining themselves...and my toddler. For hours. And hours. Outdoors.
Do not get me wrong I have gained absolutely no computer, phone, work, or extreme leisure time. I can assure you that if I was to break out an electronic device this moment of heaven would disappear instantly. But for extended moments of the day I am not a soda fountain with free refills.
Here is something I was shocked to find out...some people have a severe aversion to finding children's chalk drawings in their driveway. Who knew? You would think they just wrote over their forehead with a sharpie. And no, I am not sending my kid to other people's driveways to draw.  In fact, in one instance it was a parent who did the drawing. One word folks - rain. And a whole sentence - try parking yourself in the driveway with a box a sidewalk chalk. You will find it extremely refreshing.
One last thing ... GO! CUL-DE-SAC! GO!

Moving Forward with Purpose

It has been a year since the huge shift in my life began. The venue I worked for closed. I started various projects that got delayed. And I started working for my older son's school.
Since the birth of number 2 things had felt different. In the last month of pregnancy I bought a necklace from an amazing jeweler Olivia Olkowski. Her line is oh!olivia. I have owned several pieces. They always called to me from the case at the Meta Center where I had acupuncture with the amazing Pipper Armel. Each piece I found at the right time, and when I picked them up I was always surprised to find out that the stone corresponded exactly to the experiences I was having at that time.
This amazing piece has an oblong Chalcedony Drusy  stone and a chain of small rubies. It is stunning. There were several important things she told me about the stone, when I put it on - but the phrase that stuck was "life's purpose."
In my heart I knew with this new baby, I would need to make a big shift in my life, a big shift in my consciousness. I wore that necklace as my contractions began and didn't take it off for months. And sure enough during that time my path started to lead me on a new journey. I was yearning to be with my family, but I was loyal to work and kept pushing. My body did not agree and forced me to slow down. Then the venue closed. Then my new projects inched along. I replaced a woman who was going on maternity leave, she spoke constantly of the time she would spend with her new baby and inside I cried for the time I was not spending with my boys. it seemed everywhere I turned that sentiment played over and over, each time striking me a bit harder and a little lower. I needed to be with my children.
At first I had the excuse of my job and income to keep me away, but things had slowed down. I was faced with either diving back in or making a change. My mother visited, she gave her usual "move closer to us. My initial reaction was "no way!" Leave my friends? My life? My network? My opportunities? But I wanted to see my Mom more. She had health challenges in the past and it always really hurt that they were not so willing to come visit us in NY. It also made me so sad to see how much she yearned to have us closer.
My husband is brilliant. His words were "money comes and goes, but you never get the time back."
So that was it. We jumped off the cliff. There were tears in my eyes when I told my Mom our decision the next morning. I think those tears have been forever misinterpreted. We didn't make a decision because we had no other options. There were plenty. We made the conscious decision to work towards strengthening our family. Those tears were for what we would leave behind, most everything - our friends, our life. The excuse we gave everyone was financial, and things were hard but the real truth was that we needed to look at our family and strengthen our foundation.
Now we are here. We have learned so much. Maybe we will stay. Maybe we will return to NY. But regardless of what may come, I know with every inch of my being that I /we are truly moving forward with purpose.

Can I really have waited this long to post?!

I was afraid when I started this blog that I would fall of the writing wagon. And alas, I did. But I am picking myself right back up and trying again! A lot has happened since my last post. Quite a roller coaster in fact. Quite a bit of big life questions. What is it that we want? Where are we going? Where do we want to be? We have made new friends and really missed our old friends. We have learned an awful lot about what it means to be a family. We have learned a lot about boundaries. We have worked on creating a family culture and family rhythm. I have learned that even though I thought I was just being diplomatic, I had been basing my decisions for the last 38 years on pleasing someone else. And most importantly I am now learning how to identify who I am what I want and what we want as a family - working together. I feel more love for others than I have in a long time but I feel much more love and respect for myself! Where is this journey taking us next? City? Country? Right next door?
The bottom line to all of this is I was looking for a strong foundation for our family. It would be very nice to find our home and settle, relax have some peace. But I have learned that HOME really is where your family is. And no matter where you are, if you have a strong family foundation you will carry it, regardless of location.